I'm Undone

What's ahead? 

What are you up to God?

What do I need to do? 

The questions seem to swirl in my mind as I try to pray. This minute, I'm burdened with what I have to do. The next words are breathed from my lips, "I love you Lord. I trust you and I will rest in Your Presence." Those words muffle the questions even though I can feel the questions hovering. This is it, my training ground. Speaking Truth. Waiting. Resting. Trusting. Enduring. I tell myself peace and rest are promised to me. Jesus was punished for my peace (Isaiah 53:5). 

Don't I do this every day? 

I'm tired but I wait.

Then it happens... everything silences. I feel the tears hit my hands as my head is bowed and the room I'm in is filled with the Presence of the Lord. 

He showed up for me. 

He didn't show up because I was good, He showed up because He is good. He saw my heart. He saw my need. He saw my desperation. He saw me. 

"Trust me," my heart hears Him say and I feel His smile. "I trust you, Lord." I can't move. I can't open my eyes. Another, "Trust me," again I feel His smile, full of kindness, full of assurance, full of peace. I'm undone. The tears flow. I wasn't thinking about repentance but it happens automatically. His love draws it from me. I hold on too much. I try to control. My heart knows to let go but my mind has been gripping on to the questions. I want to hold on to the questions.

"Trust me."

I'm surrounded by Him. I'm surrounded by His goodness. It's peaceful and the confusion subsides. The questions stop. 

I believe Him. My thoughts believe Him. It's His perfect peace because my mind is now on Him (Isaiah 26:3). 

I'm in love. I'm in His love. Soaking. I'm transformed by Him. 

I'm completely undone. 

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