He just loves me even in the midst of all the ugly feelings. His love gets all up in my space and I can't run from it even though I think I want to.
I want to remind Him how angry I am at Him and blast Him with questions like "why?" and "where were you when...?"
I want Him to get angry at me so then I have the right to be angry. I want Him to yell at me so that I then have the right to yell at Him. I want Him to say horrible things about me so that I have the right to say those same things back to Him.
But what does He do?
He lets me ask any question I want. He lets me be angry. He lets me try to push Him away. He lets me cry while He listens.
I was pulling weeds in my yard this past weekend doing this very thing while listening to worship music. Oh the irony.
"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You. It is well with me." The words vibrate through my headphones as I pull a weed. Tears fall.
"This mountain that's in front of me will be thrown into the midst of the sea. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You."
His warmth wraps itself around my hard heart and begins to melt me. Another weed pulled. The tears are no longer anger but like a child being comforted by her father, my hurt leans into His strength and I cry. His strength strengthens me. His love gives me hope. There are no words that I could hear but I remember something that becomes my truth in that moment... He hasn't left me. He understands the pain. He sees a bigger picture. He allows me to be human because He created me to be and yet, He gives me a supernatural strength and peace that only comes from His great love. This is what unconditional feels like. This is what unconditional looks like. I don't have to be perfect. I can express the hurt and He just loves. He is merciful. He is gracious.
He never let's me stay in that dark place because, in all honesty, I don't want to stay there. It may feel justified for a moment but He knows I need Him to get all up in my space and invade the discouragement and disappointment with His truth.
Something is pulled out of my heart and is filled with the truth of who God is. The moment those murky and muddy feelings wanted to entangle me, Love wouldn't let them.
My words become praise to Him. I thank Him for His love. I thank Him for His goodness. I can't stop them. They just roll out of my mouth just like the tears roll down my cheeks.
I can't explain to anyone how real He is to me but I will try. His love. His words. His truth. They bring life to the parts of me that feel as though they are dying. He resurrects hope and gives me His thoughts. They aren't the answers to an easy life but they are the answers that point to an abundant Heavenly Father.
His love is abundant! His grace is abundant! His faithfulness is abundant!
He just gets all up in my space. And... it never gets old.
A side note: all the weeds got pulled out of the jungle that had grown on the side of my house.
You are loved by an abundant God who is relentless in His pursuit of you!
Let me encourage you today to go to God and vent. Let Him get all up in your space.
Verses to dwell on:
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6
The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:7
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Eph. 6:10
I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only. Psalm 71:16
