Little Miracle Man: The Cry

The surreal bubble was wearing off.  Even though Elisha had moved that morning the battle for my thoughts was raging.  I could feel fear wanting to suck every bit of hope out of me.  I didn't realize I was going in that direction. In the bubble I could see when the fear was coming and I was aware of how to get away but now, I couldn't see anything clearly.  

I remember talking on the phone with a friend who said, "Robin, what is going to happen next month or when you have to take Elisha home?" I don't know why I was hurt by her question but I was.  I know I was blunt in my response when I said, "I have no clue what's going to happen then.  I really can't even think that far ahead because I only have enough faith for this moment.  Only enough for today."  I felt like I was holding onto the last thread of my faith.   

The nurses would tell us with a brain injury it's not a sprint but a marathon. Really?  A marathon? I felt like I had been in the boxing rink with Mike Tyson just dodging his fists.  I didn't have enough strength to even swing.  Fear was winning in my thoughts and if he was winning in my thoughts then he was winning in my emotions.

More bad news... Elisha's other lung had collapsed.  

I can't do this God.  I can't walk this road.  What are you asking of me?  What does faith look like when at any moment I could be knocked out? I hate this. Why me? Why my baby?  My sweet, little, thoughtful, independent young man.  The other day my baby could tell I was upset and asked me if I needed a hug.  My thoughtful little guy who didn't care if it was cool to play with his five year old sister... he just did it anyway.  My soft-hearted little man who cried watching the Rugrats Movie.  My little guy who was called a "momma's boy" because he loved his momma. 

God!!!  

Why him?

Why me?

I had nothing.  I was quiet.  Nate told me to go back to the hotel room and rest.  He said he would let me know if anything happened.  I obeyed.

I curled up in bed and slept. No thoughts. No dreams. Just sleep.

It was dark outside when I woke up but I was wide awake.  I still felt numb, empty.  I could feel Nate beside me.  When did he get here?  I quietly walked out to the kitchen and sitting area of our room.  I knew what I had to do.  I put my headphones on and turned on my Worship playlist.  I began to cry out to God.  

"God I can't even pray about this situation.  I can't even pray for my little boy.  I just need YOU.  I need YOU.  Please show up for me this morning."  Tears streamed down my face as I talked to God.  "I need YOU, Jesus."  

The song Never Once by Matt Redman began to play in my ears.  More tears.  It was a cleansing cry.  The cry that comes from the deep part of the soul.  The cry of a mother whose baby is hurting.  Letting go of all control. No words would come.  The cry of a daughter curled up in her Dad's lap with His arms wrapped around her allowing her to let it all out. Tears and moans.

I finally whispered, "I need you. Jesus, I need you."  

I reached for my Amplified Bible.  I flipped through the scriptures and landed in 1 Corinthians 1.  My eyes were drawn to verse 19. 

^"19 For it is written, I will baffle and render useless and destroy the learning of the learned and the philosophy of the philosophers and the cleverness of the clever and the discernment of the discerning; I will frustrate and nullify [them] and bring [them] to nothing." 

Did I read that right?  "Baffle."  I had just told the doctors the other day how much I appreciated their medical knowledge but my little boy was going to "baffle" them. It may not have been the scriptural context that verse was meant for but I held onto it as if the Lord spoke those words directly to me about our situation.

God was for me!  One thing I was learning, there are no coincidences with God.  God showed up for me.  He confirmed what I knew all along.  He was going to do something big for my little miracle man.  God alone was going to baffle these doctors!  

I ran into the bedroom and woke up Nate.  I told him what I read.  The words hit him like they had me.  His eyes had tears.  No words.  Just a smile and a bear hug. 

Yesterday every bit of my insecurity, my fear, my worry had ensnared me and pulled me down and here.... right here... my amazing God with one word pulled me out of the arms of fear and right behind the shield of faith!    

  

Little Miracle Man - Elisha Moved

We had heard churches around the world were praying for Elisha.  Churches in Africa, Austrailia, Romania, China, Cambodia, Europe, and people in almost every state in America were praying for our little miracle man.  The local news had been covering our story but we didn't have much news.  Elisha wasn't responding, he was in a coma and we were just in waiting mode. If Elisha made any type of response it wasn't good.  When a brain trauma occurs the body postures.  There are a few levels of posturing and the doctors told us his posturing was the worst type.  His arms and legs would lock out and his hands would bend at the wrist.  My husband said Elisha's posturing looked like the Heisman pose, like Elisha was stiff arming someone.  However it looked, it wasn't good.  

All the news we kept hearing was bad news.  Even though I had faith, the constant, realistic, daily medical diagnosis would be like a punch in the gut.  Every person I spoke with would ask me, "What are the doctor's saying?"  Well, nothing.  Elisha was doing nothing which meant it looked bad. 

6 am the morning after the visit from all the doctors and the neurosurgeon, the visit when I told them faith is bigger than what I hear, see and feel, I walked into Elisha's room.  One of the traveling nurses was in there and so was one of the neuro residents.  I hadn't spoken to this particular resident before.  I greeted him quietly because we were trying not to stimulate Elisha with any loud noises and bright lights.  The room was dim with only a small light on in the corner. The doctor's greeting was curt.  He looked at me with no emotion and said, "You need to hear this, your son is going to be like this for a long time if not for the rest of his life.  He isn't going to move, he will be on a ventilator, he is going to need a tracheotomy and he will need a feeding tube."  I didn't say anything in response, I just looked at him and stopped breathing.  He turned away and walked out of the room. I stood there looking at the door he had just exited in a state of shock.  What in the world had just happened?  This doctor wasn't like any other doctor we had encountered up to that point.  He had not one ounce of compassion or concern in his approach.  I took a breath as the nurse who was standing at her desk turned to walk over to me.  With tears in her eyes she said, "I'm so sorry. He should not have said what he said to you nor should he have said it in the tone he said it in."  I could feel tears welling up in my own eyes because it felt like the doctor wanted to hurt me with his words.  The nurse said, "It is not our job as medical professionals to rob people of their hope.  I am not a religious person, Robin, but I have seen more of the power of God in the hospitals I have worked in than I have in any church."  It was like cold water was splashed on my face.  God was using this "not-a-religious-nurse" to speak to my spirit and to remind me God was greater.  All I said was, "Thank you."

The nurse began to do Elisha's mouth care while I sat down on the bench in the room and watched.  I saw something while she was cleaning his mouth that I thought was movement.  The nurse stopped and looked at me and said, "Did you see that?"  I thought I had but I stood up and moved closer to the bed while she continued to brush Elisha's teeth.  Elisha moved.  He pulled his mouth away from the toothbrush.  Elisha moved!  

The nurse said, "I hope you don't mind me saying this and please don't be offended but I believe that was Elisha giving that doctor the middle finger."  I understood that was her way of lightening up the mood and processing her own shock.  I laughed so hard.  I needed to laugh. Finally, there was hope we could see.    

     

The Holy Spirit in Today's Church

Living in the "Bible belt" has its benefits and its downsides.  I love the fact that it isn't taboo to talk about Jesus, church, the Bible, and it's still okay to say Merry Christmas, for the most part.  There is a church on every street corner and if you live in Lynchburg, VA, the home of Liberty University founded by the late Jerry Falwell, then you live in what I have heard called "Church Vegas" because there are churches everywhere.  However, there is one aspect of my faith, which I believe is the most important,  that has been overlooked, at times, in the Bible Belt and that is the Holy Spirit.  I'm not lumping every person from the Bible Belt into that category nor am I lumping all believers in general into overlooking and/or judging the movement of the Holy Spirit but many have been afraid of what it would look like if we really delved into learning more about the Holy Spirit.

I'm not naive to the fact many have used the Holy Spirit and His "promptings" to abuse, solicit and manipulate people.  It grieves my heart to think of this kind of blasphemy and/or lack of knowledge.  Let me make this clear, it's not my place to say what's in the heart of man but it is my place to filter through the Holy Spirit and God's Word to determine what is truth and what isn't.   

You see, the older I get, the more I learn about the Lord, the more He reveals His heart, the more I realize many of us have just scratched the surface of knowing the depths of who Jesus really is.  His ways are higher than our ways.  The mysteries of God and how He moves aren't always understood in black and white which is why the Bible calls them mysteries (Job 11:7).  This is all the more reason why we need the Holy Spirit in our lives... He opens our eyes and brings revelation to us which in turn transforms us so our story can transform others.  

I have seen many people who will go overseas and see the power of the Holy Spirit at work, healing people's bodies, opening their eyes to Jesus and in turn leading communities, cities, even countries to the feet of Jesus.  Doesn't that stir you up and get you excited?  Tell me this, why do we believe the Holy Spirit can't move the same way in North America?  Or maybe the question should be, why do we judge and prevent the Holy Spirit from moving the same way?   

Here's my opinion and it is completely an opinion based on what I've seen take place in churches: in many charismatic churches the experience became more important than the face of Jesus and in legalistic churches knowledge became the idol that shut down the experience. Both the experience and the knowledge are important but neither should become an idol.  The focus should always be on Jesus, what He's done, who He is and having a relationship with Him. 

This is where I get excited...   I am seeing the legalistic churches beginning to see the importance of the Holy Spirit and many charismatic churches are teaching more on the pursuit of Jesus, the Gospel of Jesus versus just forcing an experience.    It's starting.  Unity.  One Church.  One body.  One voice.  One Spirit.  The Holy Spirit given free reign in our lives, in our churches, in our communities.  Even here in "Church Vegas" in the Bible Belt, the Holy Spirit is becoming a topic of conversation.  I'm seeing people who are not only saying they will pray for someone but they are doing it in public places.  I'm hearing people speak life into situations that were only revealed by the Holy Spirit.  It's the power of the Holy Spirit that opens hearts to the Gospel and it is happening!   

We have the map of what a New Testament disciple looks like laid out for us in the Bible through Jesus who only did what the Father told him to do (John 5:19).  He then taught the disciples to be led by the Holy Spirit which we see throughout the book of Acts.  The directions aren't hard to find we just need to read the New Testament.   

God is doing something big in our churches but most importantly He is doing something in our individual hearts.  The Holy Spirit is a vital part of the Gospel and we must be obedient to the Spirit of God in us so we can lead others to Jesus.  Let's begin to ask the Lord to have His eyes, His perspective, His words and let's be his hands and his feet in the earth today! 

As my friend Monica says, "Dependent and surrendered."  Dependent solely on the Spirit of God and surrendered to whatever He chooses to do in and through our lives.  

Blessings!





 

Little Miracle Man - Elisha's Prayer

The mornings at the hospital always seemed the worst.  It's when the doctors came around and told us what was going on, medically, with Elisha.  It was Wednesday morning and the neurosurgeon, his students, our room nurse and the PICU doctor were in our room.  I really liked the Attending Neuro Doctor.  He was approachable and had kind eyes.  He looked at me and said, "We are a bit concerned because Elisha isn't responding the way we would like him to at this point."  He walked over to Elisha, placed his thumb on Elisha's brow and pressed hard.  He said, "This should be causing a reaction from him and it's not."  I wasn't sure what kind of reaction Elisha was supposed to have so I asked the doctor.  He said, "What I'm doing is very painful.  He should be trying to reach for the pain to stop it." I could feel fear trying to rise up in me and I said, "I respect your role as his neurosurgeon and what you know as a doctor but faith is bigger than what I hear you saying, what I see, and what I feel."  I looked at him and said, "This little boy is going to baffle you."  I could see concern behind his eyes but he didn't say anything more. I really didn't care what they thought of me.  What I said was truth.  It may not have been a truth they understood but it was our truth.

Nate and I had decided to put up verses all over Elisha's room.  Everywhere we looked in Elisha's room we wanted to see God's promises.  We wrote verses on notecards and taped them to the hospital room window and his bed.  Some of the nurses even gave us scriptures to put up.  The nurses would tell us our room was so peaceful and they loved when they were assigned to our room.  Some of the staff in PICU loved to stop by because of how peaceful the room was.  We knew it was only the Holy Spirit.

One of the items we had in Elisha's room was a prayer Elisha had written.  Our neighbor, who is also the headmaster at the school Elisha went to, shared a prayer with us Elisha had written in school the previous year.   How did the Lord know we needed this prayer?  Elisha wrote his prayer and it was a prophetic word for his story and our lives.

Our praying nurse was in our room listening to Elisha’s chest.  I noticed she got quiet and was very attentive.  I asked her if everything was okay.  She said, “I am going to get the doctor to come and check on something .”  We waited for her and the doctor to come back to the room.  Honestly, I wasn't scared.  I was curious what was going on.  Once they came back to the room, the doctor pulled out her stethoscope and listened to Elisha’s left side and then his right.  She looked at us and said, “We have a little bit of an issue.  Elisha’s lung has collapsed.”  I thought to myself, “Here we go again!”  We cleared out of the room so they could do the procedure to re-inflate Elisha’s lung.

Nate and I went into the family lounge and prayed.  We kept holding onto God’s promise of healing and covered our worry with God’s truth.  Nate had this resilient and unmovable faith.  He looked at me and he said, “Do you remember the sermon on Sunday?  It was about the disciples in prison, praising God.  What was really cool about that story, Robin, was they were mindful of the prisoners and the prison guards.  Their circumstance didn’t prevent them from doing what God had called them to do.”  I asked Nate where he was going with what he was saying.  He said, “Baby, God has given us a peace about Elisha.  No matter how difficult the battles we face with Elisha we know God will get a greater victory. So why don’t we start ministering to others on the PICU floor?”  Thinking back to that moment, my heart is swelling… How did I get so blessed to have this amazing, faith-filled, Holy Spirit led husband?  We chose, right then and there, to be God’s hands and feet in an area where fear and hopelessness reign.  Elisha’s words from his prayer came to mind as a call to Nate and me, “Grant to those who suffer that they may have peace and strength, that we may we have faithful hearts through the Lord our God, Amen.” 

Elisha’s procedure was done and the tube they had inserted into his left lung was exposed as we walked into his room.  All I could think of when I looked at him was how tough that little guy was.  Here my twelve year old little boy was lying with his skull removed, breathing on a ventilator, with a collapsed lung, a broken femur, in a coma… and he still was the cutest little guy I had ever seen.  I’m not biased either.  He has the cutest little nose and a cleft chin.  I always have told him I’m going to bite him.  Don’t you ever think something or someone is so cute you want to nibble them?  Ok… maybe I’m crazy like that but Elisha really looked as cute as ever.  I leaned over and whispered to Elisha how much I loved him and when he wakes up I was going to bite his little cheek. 

Nate asked one of the nurses who was on the hall that hasn’t had many visitors and needed some practical items.  We knew there were several people sleeping in the rooms with their children every night who didn’t have the support system we had.  She said she couldn’t tell us much about what was going on in the rooms but she would be happy to take anything we had to some people she had in mind.  We had a ton of snacks and extra blankets so we packaged them up and handed them over to her.  It would be the beginning of lasting relationships created with some of the people on the hallway. 

SPECIAL POST - Living Bread Ministries: Planting Churches Among the Desperately Poor

The door opened and there was the guy I knew from over twenty years ago, Patrick Hubbard.  I remember him a little younger and yet, I recognized him.  It’s interesting to me how he looked the same but not really the same.  The difference was the maturity he carried and the wisdom you could see behind his eyes.  We walked into the living room and I saw his wife, Barbara, in the kitchen.  She looked the exact same as I remembered her from high school except with shorter hair.  How amazing is the Lord to reconnect us after not having seen each other, except through social media, since 1992? This family has decided to change the way we all understand missions by founding a ministry called Living Bread Ministries.  Its mission is to plant missional churches among the global poor and equip them to care for their communities.  Little did I know, my perspective on missions will forever be changed by the vision and passion this couple has to bring Christ into the poorest of communities around the world.

We sat down at the kitchen table and it was time to ask some questions:

What in the world happened to you, to make you want to start a ministry planting churches among the poor?

Both he and Barbara laughed out loud at that question.  Patrick began, “ Well, we got married right out of high school.  Barbara, as you know, is from Brazil and we had visited several times throughout our marriage.  Every time we went to Brazil, I could feel this tug towards the poor.  We didn’t know the Lord so I couldn’t have said the Lord was already pulling us to ministry to the poor.  We just had a heart for the poor.  We had a friend from high school who consistently witnessed to us for years.  It was actually 7 years and finally, one day everything he said to us clicked.  It was when Barbara and I went to my grandmother’s funeral.  One of the pastors was speaking and I chose to turn my life to Jesus.  When we got home Barbara and I talked about the day.  I ended up sharing with her how I had given my life to Jesus at the funeral.  She looked at me and said she had too. That was the beginning of following the call of God our lives.”   

Is that when you started the ministry?

In 2003 we began praying with our pastor for an entire year asking the Lord for direction.  It wasn’t until March of 2004 we officially started, in April we had a baby and that May we went to Brazil.  Missions were our goal but God had shown us missions trips alone weren’t enough.  The vision he gave us was to expand an interdependent church planting movement among the global poor.  Our view is if you plant churches among the poor and equip the locals to lead those churches then the entire culture of the community will change because the locals become the hands and the feet of Jesus.  We don’t take the equipping part of our role lightly.  We don’t want to pop in and out with workshops and a western ministry perspective.  We want to demonstrate through the Holy Spirit the love of Christ.  Point the local leaders to Jesus and then have those local leaders get the vision God wants them to have for their communities. 

We not only want to see salvations but we want to see the reign of Christ manifested within the community.  The Lord has shown us, Biblically, how to do this.  The local churches feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, taking care of the orphans… it’s a whole culture shift in these countries.  We want the local church to transform the lives of the people.        

Why does this work?

Patrick: The Bible shows us the church is a body.  No one church should lord over another.  For example, I have my ideas of what an American church should look like but I know that not every part of an American church will work in Brazil.  Our goal is to equip the saints in these countries to do the work of the ministry themselves.  They in turn can run their churches with our support.  It becomes an interdependent body. 

Barbara: We heard a testimony of a Brazilian woman who had a stroke.  In Brazil, the medical system sends you home from the hospital once you are stable.   Her stroke caused one side of her body to be paralyzed; she couldn’t walk, talk or set up her feeding tube.   The local church in that community went to her house daily to feed her, spend time with her, clean her bed sores and make sure she was taken care of.  We have heard several testimonies like this.  In one family, the father died from AIDS  and the mom and the kids have HIV.  Should anything happen to the mother the local church has already planned who the children will stay with.  You can see how the culture is changing.  The needs of the poor and orphans are starting to be met because of the local church. 

How many churches have you planted to date?

Patrick: We have planted eight churches in Brazil and, if everything goes as we have planned, will be planting two churches in Thailand in January. 

When you start building up a poor community, seeing the church be the church within that community, it becomes much more difficult for people to prey upon the poor.

What is www.sharechristmas.org and how can we get involved?

Share Christmas provides school supplies and hygiene kits which are bought within the community.  It costs $15 per child and will be distributed the week of Christmas during a celebration where the Gospel will be preached.  The school year begins in February which is why we provide these supplies in December.  If people want to donate to they need to go to www.sharechristmas.org and click the DONATE button.

“I believe the local body can handle the poverty within their community.” – Patrick Hubbard

Many thanks to Patrick and Barbara Hubbard, founders of Living Bread Ministries.  Please visit their website at http://www.livingbread.org and prayerfully consider supporting their mission to reach the global poor.

---

Little Miracle Man - Bad to the Bone

Several hours later they rolled Elisha back up to his room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.  He looked so precious.  His eyes were a little swollen, half of his hair was shaved which made him look like he had a mullet/mohawk, he had staples holding together where they had done the incision that started at one ear and went up over his head to his other ear.  The bandage on his head  began at his forehead and went up to the staples.  I looked at the bandage and saw the word “bone”.  I thought the doctors had written “bad to the bone” on his bandage.  Don’t ask me why… It might have just been me trying to find something funny during  such a serious situation.  Our praying nurse was in the room with us started to laugh and decided to write “bad-to-the-bone” on Elisha’s bandage.  I remember thinking to myself, “This little guy is so tough!  He is such a rockstar!”  Yet, as a mommy I hated not being able to ease his pain with a song or a hug.  Why did he get hit by a car?  It made no sense to me.  I know God and I know He wouldn’t throw any child in front of a car.  It’s not His nature… but why did this happen God?  The questions started to bombard my mind.  The doubt and fear wanted to swallow me whole.  I stopped.  I stopped my mind and I looked at Nate and told him I was going to take a walk.  I walked into a different family lounge that was empty.  I put my headphones in and began praising God for His goodness, for His faithfulness!  I praised God for His love and power!  I walked around the family lounge with my hands raised, headphones in, and on the verge of shouting out loud!  I wasn’t going to let my mind go to places that would cause me to doubt the power and promises of my Heavenly Father!  No WAY!  I was doing battle with my own mind in that moment.  I began speaking God’s Word.  I opened my Bible and looked for more scriptures on the Greatness of God.  

The Lord took me to the Psalms.

Psalm 108:1-6

O God, my heart is fixed (steadfast, in the confidence of faith); I will sing, yes, I will sing praises, even with my glory all the faculties and powers of one created in Your image!

Awake, harp and lyre; I myself will wake very early—I will waken the dawn! 

I will praise and give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples; and I will sing praises unto You among the nations.

For Your mercy and loving-kindness are great and high as the heavens!  Your truth and faithfulness reach to the skies!

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let Your glory be over all the earth.

That Your beloved may be delivered, save with Your right hand and answer us!          

I stayed in the lounge praying, praising and speaking out the Word until I was back into the peace of God.  I didn't care about the people walking past the lounge who could see me.  All I cared about was covering my emotions and my mind with the promises of God.  I stayed there until I had transformed my thinking into believing.  Do I believe God’s Word? YES!  Do I believe God’s promises?  YES!  Do I have to understand the why? NO!  I just need to trust in the One who is all powerful.  The One who wasn’t surprised the accident happened.  The One who died for me and my little boy.  The One who is alive and more real than anything on this earth!  Yes!!!  I transformed my mind and ran to the arms of the safest Being possible… The Lord’s arms!  

Those first few days seemed to fly by even though there were some moments that dragged.  I can’t even remember when one day started and another day ended.  Our oldest son Josh had been staying with our friends and family.  My heart broke for what he had been through.  I can’t imagine what it feels like to be riding bikes with your brother one minute and then turning around and seeing him lying in the road in his own blood the next minute.  I felt an urgency for him just as much as I did for Elisha.  I wasn't sure how I was going to balance being away from Josh and staying at Elisha’s side.  

God already had a plan in place…  Several months prior to the accident my sister and brother-in-law were planning on moving back to the east coast.  They had been living in Redding CA for the last several years and had felt the Lord telling them to move back to VA.   We had already told them they could live with us until they found a new place to live and got settled.  They had packed everything the week before Elisha’s accident and had told me they would be driving back to VA from CA at the beginning of the week.  My sister, Becky, had already quit her job so they were ready to hit the road and head east.  Elisha’s accident happened on Sunday and my sister and brother-in-law were in Lynchburg VA by the following Monday, living in our home.  Coincidental?  I don’t believe so.  God was not surprised the accident happened and had already planned to take care of Josh months in advance.  Their motive to move back to VA wasn’t to stay with Josh but God in all of His goodness knew we were facing the greatest battle we have ever faced as a family and we needed their support.   Josh was able to live in his own home, with his own dogs, in his own neighborhood and I would feel comfortable knowing he was safe living with my family.  In retrospect, God blew my mind with His faithfulness!  He already knew everything I would be concerned about.  Of course I knew we had so many people willing to help to take care of Joshua but not having to worry about whose house he would stay at or who would be willing to take care of him for several days while we were at the side of Elisha was a load the Lord completely took care of well in advance.  God is just too good!