I'm Undone

What's ahead? 

What are you up to God?

What do I need to do? 

The questions seem to swirl in my mind as I try to pray. This minute, I'm burdened with what I have to do. The next words are breathed from my lips, "I love you Lord. I trust you and I will rest in Your Presence." Those words muffle the questions even though I can feel the questions hovering. This is it, my training ground. Speaking Truth. Waiting. Resting. Trusting. Enduring. I tell myself peace and rest are promised to me. Jesus was punished for my peace (Isaiah 53:5). 

Don't I do this every day? 

I'm tired but I wait.

Then it happens... everything silences. I feel the tears hit my hands as my head is bowed and the room I'm in is filled with the Presence of the Lord. 

He showed up for me. 

He didn't show up because I was good, He showed up because He is good. He saw my heart. He saw my need. He saw my desperation. He saw me. 

"Trust me," my heart hears Him say and I feel His smile. "I trust you, Lord." I can't move. I can't open my eyes. Another, "Trust me," again I feel His smile, full of kindness, full of assurance, full of peace. I'm undone. The tears flow. I wasn't thinking about repentance but it happens automatically. His love draws it from me. I hold on too much. I try to control. My heart knows to let go but my mind has been gripping on to the questions. I want to hold on to the questions.

"Trust me."

I'm surrounded by Him. I'm surrounded by His goodness. It's peaceful and the confusion subsides. The questions stop. 

I believe Him. My thoughts believe Him. It's His perfect peace because my mind is now on Him (Isaiah 26:3). 

I'm in love. I'm in His love. Soaking. I'm transformed by Him. 

I'm completely undone. 

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I'm Not A Proverbs 31 Woman

When I consider who the Proverbs 31 woman is an idea of that woman comes to mind. I think she has the perfect house, her kids' hair is always combed, her children behave in public and never throw temper tantrums. This Proverbs 31 woman has dinner ready for her husband when he gets home from work and her house is spotless. She's all over Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter with her amazingly creative ideas and pictures of events I only wish I had the talent to create.

After I read Proverbs 31 two things seem to happen: the first is I get inspired. I think to myself, "I can be her. I can get it all together." She's a good business woman, her home is perfect, she can sew, she is a philanthropist, her children call her #blessed, she gets up while it's dark and gets her house in order... I can do that. I can work hard enough to become her. I can change who I am and become her. Then that one morning comes when I hit the snooze too many times and I get up frantic waking up the kids 5 minutes before they have to be at school.

Fail.

Then it's too late to make the kids breakfast so I throw some unhealthy, sugary pastry at them.

Fail.

I don't have time to put the breakfast dishes in the dish washer.

Fail.

To be honest, I hate doing the dishes.

Fail.

The second thing happens: I realize I can't measure up to her, Miss Proverbs 31. I can't work hard enough to become her. I don't want to be her.

Yep, I said it. Oh, the sacrilege!

Please hear me out. I'm not saying the Proverbs 31 woman isn't an amazing woman. I'm saying, I don't believe the Lord wants us to be burdened to be exactly like her. However, she sure is an inspiration.

I think too many Christians and ministries have used Proverbs 31 as their magazine cover of the ideal woman. They have unintentionally or maybe intentionally said, "This is who you have to be. You must be this beautiful, organized, talented and creative woman." Could you imagine if we were all the Proverbs 31 woman? The movie Stepford Wives comes to mind.

Let me speak some truth to us women. Jesus died perfect knowing we would never be perfect. It's He who is perfect. Jesus doesn't want us to be like Proverbs 31. He wants us to be free in Him, resting in the truth of who He is in us. You see, Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). He threw away the measuring stick when He died on the cross while we were still hot messes. He knows everything we have done and everything we will do and yet He still died for us. He so loves us! He loves us exactly who we are today. He won't love us more when we become the Proverbs 31 woman. As a matter of fact, I believe He wants us free from the burden of trying to measure up. Our identity shouldn't be in  Proverbs 31 but in Christ alone.

We have to remind ourselves:
We are God's daughters. Galatians 3:26
We are saved by grace not by our works or how perfect we are. Ephesians 2:8-9
We are created in the image of God. Genesis 1:26-27
We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
We are loved exactly the way we are. I John 4

Listen, we should be inspired by the Proverbs 31 woman. She's amazing! I'm proud to know her life story. I'm thankful for her influence in my life but I don't want to be her. I want to be who I am in Christ and I want the same for you!