Grace, Grace and More Grace

I find it interesting how the week of Easter, the week we celebrate the greatest demonstration of grace in Jesus' death, burial and resurrection, became a week when I needed a lot of grace.

I provide for my family in ways my husband can't right now just like he provides for our family in ways that I can't. So here's what happened: I had pretty bad hit in my job this week. It really rocked me even though God's provision in our lives has been exceedingly abundant. I've seen God bless my job in ways that I truly don't deserve... grace. I've seen God connect me with people I never thought I'd ever get the chance to meet. It's mind-blowing! Yet, I know where it all comes from... it's just God's grace.  It's unmerited. Undeserved. Unearned.

As I look back at this week, I can see moments when I failed in resting in the promise of God's grace.  Unbelievable right? Yep, I am human. I was wounded and carried that wound around like a badge for a few days. Have any of you thought to yourself, "I didn't deserve that"? That's what I thought.

I just taught a few weeks ago on not focusing on the unfairness of life but on the goodness of God. I preached that at a conference. I think I even made that my Facebook status one day, "don't allow the circumstances of life to speak louder than the truth of the Gospel." Ummm... that's my own quote.

I didn't do a very good job with that this week.

Let me just say this: There's hope people... there's so much hope...

No matter what we fail at, what circumstances get thrown into our lives, there is something great going to come of it. How do I know that? Well, here's God's promise:

 Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

When God says "all" He means "all".  Not just some things but in ALL things God works for good. Not because we are good but because He is good. He doesn't work it out because we are perfect; He works it out because He is perfect and He is gracious. All we have to do is love Him. That's it. Love Him and His grace gets poured all over us.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Ahhh, so much freedom in this passage. His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. Whew!! Come on ya'll... we think we have to do it right every time and what God is saying is He knows we aren't going to do it right every time. Are you surprised? We. Aren't. Perfect. Someone reading this just got set free. 

We must believe when God says He is going to work it all out that He is. We have to believe the Great Redeemer is going to redeem the mess we make and the trials we face. 

Its everyone's battle... Believing God's truth or not believe His truth.  It was my battle this week. Is God going to redeem this?  YES!!! Why? Because He is so good, so loving, so gracious and man, does He love His kids!   

Love in the Flesh

Every time He heard the soldier draw back the whip He braced for the pain. Then He felt the tearing of His skin. Those who watched jeered and mocked him. Taunting Him. 

"King of the Jews!" 

It happened again. Then again. And again. Bracing, tearing, mocking... Pain unimaginable. 

Rejected by the people He loved. If only these soldiers laughing at him, the one swinging the whip, those excited to see His pain, knew why He did this, it was for them. Love in the flesh.

Love held Him up. Love was Him. Love when He was rejected. Love when those who laughed at this innocent man took on their justice. Love in the flesh.  

Thorns pierced his brow. Blood trickled into His eyes. Yet, love remained. Nothing changed about this man. He was love. 

"Carry the Cross!" they yelled.

His endurance was waning but this was His destiny... holding onto His cross, their cross, carrying the wood He would soon be nailed to... Done out of love. God made man. Love in the flesh.

His love was unstoppable. 

He made it to Calvary, The Place of the Skull, the place of love. 

Love... Nail... Love... Nail... Love... Nail... Love!

"Father, forgive them!"

Love.

Up on the cross as He tried to breath. He was forsaken. Rejected by man and God. Alone. Love in the flesh. 

It was finished. Justice. Their justice, He bore it in love.

One last breath. 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Guest Blog post from Relentless Love Table Leader Caitlin Candler

I Have Been The Donkey by Caitlin Candler

I have no idea who to give credit to for this story, but I wanted to share it with all of you.  One day, a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried for hours as the farmer pondered what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

The farmer invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly – the whole world seemed to be against him. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.  A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.  As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

This story hits home for me in a myriad of ways. 

First, it clearly demonstrates to me what Robin shared with us about the tendency for all of us to fall “into the pit” at different times of our lives.  Second, it demonstrates the power of the enemy to convince us that there is no way out of the situation we’re in. Maybe someone close to us has hurt us or let us down.  Maybe we feel that we just don’t measure up in our marriages, in our jobs, as parents, as friends.  Maybe we have just gone through an unspeakable loss that has simply shaken us to our core and makes us question everything in our lives…even our faith or God’s goodness.  Perhaps we’re dealing with utter loneliness and we feel lost. Maybe we feel that there is an anchor tied around our ankles that keeps us in the pit. Maybe that anchor is fear, guilt, or shame from past experiences. Who knows what that situation is for you, but be sure that the enemy will take advantage of any opportunity to separate you from our great and glorious God!

I am here to tell you that I’ve been the donkey.  I, as Robin said, am one hot mess!  One of the more recent pits was back when I was engaged almost three years ago. To make a very very long story more concise, I discovered that my relationship had become an idol in my life and I disguised it as gratitude to God for sending me the PERFECT man! The one little detail I forgot was that the person I was marrying was simply that – a person…a flawed, broken sinner just like me – nowhere near perfect. One night in my fiancé’s life, the flesh won over the Holy Spirit and this led to my trust and my heart being horribly broken. As he confessed to me painful details and begged for my forgiveness, I heard two voices – one was the enemy telling me, “You aren’t good enough.” “Maybe if you were more fun, this wouldn’t have happened.” “You’ll never fulfill his desires.” The other, more direct and audible voice, however, was that of the Holy Spirit.  This voice only said two things to me, and it repeated these two things over and over. The first was, “Forgive much for I have forgiven much.” The second, “7x70 times.”

God took time to reassure me time and time again throughout the huge valley that was our struggle. His love is that personal! He clearly communicated to me that this relationship WAS His doing. When I was crying out to God to please give me a break and that I was tired from all the trials I’d been through in my life, He went into Father-mode and challenged me – “Have you ever thought that maybe I knew that you were going to need a man strong enough to understand your struggles and constantly pursue you and also that your husband was going to need a woman who has the strength and faith to overcome and forgive?” WOW! I love it when God puts me in my place – He showed me that He has been using all of the events of my life to bring me right where He wants me to be! How amazing is His love? How insane is His redemption? My husband and I are sinners and are so unworthy of the plans He has for us, and yet He chose to use us anyway!!! His Son died for us, knowing we would NEVER be able to earn or deserve it...knowing we would fail!

It has been almost two years since we chose to make our three-part covenant with God in marriage, and while we have had to overcome a LOT more than most newlywed couples, God has consistently poured His love and mercy over us. He has helped me fight those terrible “pit-like” thoughts that the enemy used against me – He brought truth to the lies and has made us stronger than ever before. We would each tell you that, despite it all, we are the most blessed people we know, and it's all because of God's love. I could tell you story after story of how God has blessed us individually and also in our marriage – we both know that He enjoys that we rely on Him and we enjoy that He always has and always will be there for us.  As He says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Guest Blog Post from my friend Melissa Heller-Rector: I Talked With a Man Named Stephen

I Talked With a Man Named Stephen

By: Melissa Heller-Rector

As we approached the large structure, I got increasingly nervous. My thoughts were scattered, but I returned to the overwhelming feeling that we should NOT be at this place. We were in a foreign country, did not speak the language, had no form of protection, and were in danger. When we entered the Men’s Prison in Gulu, Uganda, I could barely breathe. But I followed the rest of the team. Once we were inside the gates, many of our team members suited up to play a game of soccer with the prison team – which is one of the platforms used in Uganda to minister to the people.

Since I hadn’t done anything that athletic in QUITE some time, I decided it might be best for me to just take a seat along the concrete benches surrounding the courtyard and watch the game. But that was not God’s plan. So I stood, alone, and a bit confused. “What am I supposed to do, God?”

Now let me stop here and say that I have SEEN God work in my life many times. I have HEARD from God, clearly, on very few occasions. So, I was a bit surprised when I immediately HEARD from God as I asked that question. I was to take a seat next to one of the prisoners and start talking. Are you kidding me??? A middle-aged, white woman, in a sea of foreign black men, who were in prison for SOMETHING – what crime, I didn’t know…I mean they could have raped and killed a woman like me just last week, and you want me to go and talk to them? This is the question I had for God – and He didn’t give me any other answer.

So – I went and sat.

I talked with a man named Stephen. He had been in prison for four months for a civil crime of taking money from a project he was overseeing. He spoke brilliant English, and knew more about the Bible than I could dream of knowing. In the first few minutes of sitting next to this man, I knew that God had brought me around the world for this very encounter. Even thinking about the 30-minute conversation makes me very emotional.

A little back story: When I was five, I was molested by two men. That event shaped the way I thought about men, sex, approval, acceptance, and love, for a very long time. When I was told at a young age that this sort of attack is okay, that I deserved it, that it is the only way I would be loved – well, it completely destroyed any sense of self-worth I had. This one event led to many years of sexual sin, drug abuse, addiction to alcohol, prostituting myself for drugs, using abortion as a birth control method, and generally seeking approval and acceptance in destructive ways. Admittedly, I have carried a great deal of shame and guilt as a result of my past.

Now back to Stephen. We talked for a while, and then he asked me if I knew the story of John 8. I opened my Bible to the book and chapter, and started to recall the story of the adulteress woman who was brought before Jesus to be judged. God whispered in my ear to be quiet and listen to Stephen recount the story – so I listened. At the end, he asked me a question I had never thought about before. He wanted to know exactly what Jesus had written in the sand when he was talking to the town’s people. I searched the scripture…but couldn't find the answer. Stephen smiled and said, “child, that IS the answer.” I didn't understand.

You see – if it has been important to know what Jesus was writing in the sand, the scripture would spell it out for us. All the researchers who have spent many words debating what He was writing wouldn't have wasted their time. The point here is that the act of Jesus kneeling to write in the sand took the attention away from the woman!!! There she was, likely naked, having been caught “in the act”, completely ashamed, mortified and embarrassed. Everyone around her was asking for Jesus to judge her, as they already had. But instead, Jesus “bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.” He knew this act would divert the crowd’s attention from the woman to what he was “writing” in the sand.

Jesus does this for each of us – he stands in front of our shame, he diverts attention from our sin, and doesn’t judge us. This is the message of The Cross.

Although I had been taught for a long time to “just turn over your guilt and shame to God,” I would turn over my guilt and shame, and then take it back and wallow in it some and then give it over again, and then take it back. God arranged this unique experience for me. He knows that I am broken, and will willingly take the guilt and shame back from Him to wrestle with at night. But He also knew that hearing that story from His Word out of the mouth of a man in prison in Uganda would allow me to completely give over the shame and guilt I have been carrying with me for many, many years. My prayer is that this experience I had will somehow translate into your life; that you can find peace in knowing that Jesus took The Cross so we don’t have to feel like that shamed, five year old girl, or the adulteress woman in John 8. Jesus didn’t judge either of them. 

Little Miracle Man: The Cry

The surreal bubble was wearing off.  Even though Elisha had moved that morning the battle for my thoughts was raging.  I could feel fear wanting to suck every bit of hope out of me.  I didn't realize I was going in that direction. In the bubble I could see when the fear was coming and I was aware of how to get away but now, I couldn't see anything clearly.  

I remember talking on the phone with a friend who said, "Robin, what is going to happen next month or when you have to take Elisha home?" I don't know why I was hurt by her question but I was.  I know I was blunt in my response when I said, "I have no clue what's going to happen then.  I really can't even think that far ahead because I only have enough faith for this moment.  Only enough for today."  I felt like I was holding onto the last thread of my faith.   

The nurses would tell us with a brain injury it's not a sprint but a marathon. Really?  A marathon? I felt like I had been in the boxing rink with Mike Tyson just dodging his fists.  I didn't have enough strength to even swing.  Fear was winning in my thoughts and if he was winning in my thoughts then he was winning in my emotions.

More bad news... Elisha's other lung had collapsed.  

I can't do this God.  I can't walk this road.  What are you asking of me?  What does faith look like when at any moment I could be knocked out? I hate this. Why me? Why my baby?  My sweet, little, thoughtful, independent young man.  The other day my baby could tell I was upset and asked me if I needed a hug.  My thoughtful little guy who didn't care if it was cool to play with his five year old sister... he just did it anyway.  My soft-hearted little man who cried watching the Rugrats Movie.  My little guy who was called a "momma's boy" because he loved his momma. 

God!!!  

Why him?

Why me?

I had nothing.  I was quiet.  Nate told me to go back to the hotel room and rest.  He said he would let me know if anything happened.  I obeyed.

I curled up in bed and slept. No thoughts. No dreams. Just sleep.

It was dark outside when I woke up but I was wide awake.  I still felt numb, empty.  I could feel Nate beside me.  When did he get here?  I quietly walked out to the kitchen and sitting area of our room.  I knew what I had to do.  I put my headphones on and turned on my Worship playlist.  I began to cry out to God.  

"God I can't even pray about this situation.  I can't even pray for my little boy.  I just need YOU.  I need YOU.  Please show up for me this morning."  Tears streamed down my face as I talked to God.  "I need YOU, Jesus."  

The song Never Once by Matt Redman began to play in my ears.  More tears.  It was a cleansing cry.  The cry that comes from the deep part of the soul.  The cry of a mother whose baby is hurting.  Letting go of all control. No words would come.  The cry of a daughter curled up in her Dad's lap with His arms wrapped around her allowing her to let it all out. Tears and moans.

I finally whispered, "I need you. Jesus, I need you."  

I reached for my Amplified Bible.  I flipped through the scriptures and landed in 1 Corinthians 1.  My eyes were drawn to verse 19. 

^"19 For it is written, I will baffle and render useless and destroy the learning of the learned and the philosophy of the philosophers and the cleverness of the clever and the discernment of the discerning; I will frustrate and nullify [them] and bring [them] to nothing." 

Did I read that right?  "Baffle."  I had just told the doctors the other day how much I appreciated their medical knowledge but my little boy was going to "baffle" them. It may not have been the scriptural context that verse was meant for but I held onto it as if the Lord spoke those words directly to me about our situation.

God was for me!  One thing I was learning, there are no coincidences with God.  God showed up for me.  He confirmed what I knew all along.  He was going to do something big for my little miracle man.  God alone was going to baffle these doctors!  

I ran into the bedroom and woke up Nate.  I told him what I read.  The words hit him like they had me.  His eyes had tears.  No words.  Just a smile and a bear hug. 

Yesterday every bit of my insecurity, my fear, my worry had ensnared me and pulled me down and here.... right here... my amazing God with one word pulled me out of the arms of fear and right behind the shield of faith!    

  

Little Miracle Man - Elisha Moved

We had heard churches around the world were praying for Elisha.  Churches in Africa, Austrailia, Romania, China, Cambodia, Europe, and people in almost every state in America were praying for our little miracle man.  The local news had been covering our story but we didn't have much news.  Elisha wasn't responding, he was in a coma and we were just in waiting mode. If Elisha made any type of response it wasn't good.  When a brain trauma occurs the body postures.  There are a few levels of posturing and the doctors told us his posturing was the worst type.  His arms and legs would lock out and his hands would bend at the wrist.  My husband said Elisha's posturing looked like the Heisman pose, like Elisha was stiff arming someone.  However it looked, it wasn't good.  

All the news we kept hearing was bad news.  Even though I had faith, the constant, realistic, daily medical diagnosis would be like a punch in the gut.  Every person I spoke with would ask me, "What are the doctor's saying?"  Well, nothing.  Elisha was doing nothing which meant it looked bad. 

6 am the morning after the visit from all the doctors and the neurosurgeon, the visit when I told them faith is bigger than what I hear, see and feel, I walked into Elisha's room.  One of the traveling nurses was in there and so was one of the neuro residents.  I hadn't spoken to this particular resident before.  I greeted him quietly because we were trying not to stimulate Elisha with any loud noises and bright lights.  The room was dim with only a small light on in the corner. The doctor's greeting was curt.  He looked at me with no emotion and said, "You need to hear this, your son is going to be like this for a long time if not for the rest of his life.  He isn't going to move, he will be on a ventilator, he is going to need a tracheotomy and he will need a feeding tube."  I didn't say anything in response, I just looked at him and stopped breathing.  He turned away and walked out of the room. I stood there looking at the door he had just exited in a state of shock.  What in the world had just happened?  This doctor wasn't like any other doctor we had encountered up to that point.  He had not one ounce of compassion or concern in his approach.  I took a breath as the nurse who was standing at her desk turned to walk over to me.  With tears in her eyes she said, "I'm so sorry. He should not have said what he said to you nor should he have said it in the tone he said it in."  I could feel tears welling up in my own eyes because it felt like the doctor wanted to hurt me with his words.  The nurse said, "It is not our job as medical professionals to rob people of their hope.  I am not a religious person, Robin, but I have seen more of the power of God in the hospitals I have worked in than I have in any church."  It was like cold water was splashed on my face.  God was using this "not-a-religious-nurse" to speak to my spirit and to remind me God was greater.  All I said was, "Thank you."

The nurse began to do Elisha's mouth care while I sat down on the bench in the room and watched.  I saw something while she was cleaning his mouth that I thought was movement.  The nurse stopped and looked at me and said, "Did you see that?"  I thought I had but I stood up and moved closer to the bed while she continued to brush Elisha's teeth.  Elisha moved.  He pulled his mouth away from the toothbrush.  Elisha moved!  

The nurse said, "I hope you don't mind me saying this and please don't be offended but I believe that was Elisha giving that doctor the middle finger."  I understood that was her way of lightening up the mood and processing her own shock.  I laughed so hard.  I needed to laugh. Finally, there was hope we could see.    

     

The Holy Spirit in Today's Church

Living in the "Bible belt" has its benefits and its downsides.  I love the fact that it isn't taboo to talk about Jesus, church, the Bible, and it's still okay to say Merry Christmas, for the most part.  There is a church on every street corner and if you live in Lynchburg, VA, the home of Liberty University founded by the late Jerry Falwell, then you live in what I have heard called "Church Vegas" because there are churches everywhere.  However, there is one aspect of my faith, which I believe is the most important,  that has been overlooked, at times, in the Bible Belt and that is the Holy Spirit.  I'm not lumping every person from the Bible Belt into that category nor am I lumping all believers in general into overlooking and/or judging the movement of the Holy Spirit but many have been afraid of what it would look like if we really delved into learning more about the Holy Spirit.

I'm not naive to the fact many have used the Holy Spirit and His "promptings" to abuse, solicit and manipulate people.  It grieves my heart to think of this kind of blasphemy and/or lack of knowledge.  Let me make this clear, it's not my place to say what's in the heart of man but it is my place to filter through the Holy Spirit and God's Word to determine what is truth and what isn't.   

You see, the older I get, the more I learn about the Lord, the more He reveals His heart, the more I realize many of us have just scratched the surface of knowing the depths of who Jesus really is.  His ways are higher than our ways.  The mysteries of God and how He moves aren't always understood in black and white which is why the Bible calls them mysteries (Job 11:7).  This is all the more reason why we need the Holy Spirit in our lives... He opens our eyes and brings revelation to us which in turn transforms us so our story can transform others.  

I have seen many people who will go overseas and see the power of the Holy Spirit at work, healing people's bodies, opening their eyes to Jesus and in turn leading communities, cities, even countries to the feet of Jesus.  Doesn't that stir you up and get you excited?  Tell me this, why do we believe the Holy Spirit can't move the same way in North America?  Or maybe the question should be, why do we judge and prevent the Holy Spirit from moving the same way?   

Here's my opinion and it is completely an opinion based on what I've seen take place in churches: in many charismatic churches the experience became more important than the face of Jesus and in legalistic churches knowledge became the idol that shut down the experience. Both the experience and the knowledge are important but neither should become an idol.  The focus should always be on Jesus, what He's done, who He is and having a relationship with Him. 

This is where I get excited...   I am seeing the legalistic churches beginning to see the importance of the Holy Spirit and many charismatic churches are teaching more on the pursuit of Jesus, the Gospel of Jesus versus just forcing an experience.    It's starting.  Unity.  One Church.  One body.  One voice.  One Spirit.  The Holy Spirit given free reign in our lives, in our churches, in our communities.  Even here in "Church Vegas" in the Bible Belt, the Holy Spirit is becoming a topic of conversation.  I'm seeing people who are not only saying they will pray for someone but they are doing it in public places.  I'm hearing people speak life into situations that were only revealed by the Holy Spirit.  It's the power of the Holy Spirit that opens hearts to the Gospel and it is happening!   

We have the map of what a New Testament disciple looks like laid out for us in the Bible through Jesus who only did what the Father told him to do (John 5:19).  He then taught the disciples to be led by the Holy Spirit which we see throughout the book of Acts.  The directions aren't hard to find we just need to read the New Testament.   

God is doing something big in our churches but most importantly He is doing something in our individual hearts.  The Holy Spirit is a vital part of the Gospel and we must be obedient to the Spirit of God in us so we can lead others to Jesus.  Let's begin to ask the Lord to have His eyes, His perspective, His words and let's be his hands and his feet in the earth today! 

As my friend Monica says, "Dependent and surrendered."  Dependent solely on the Spirit of God and surrendered to whatever He chooses to do in and through our lives.  

Blessings!