PART THREE: Little Miracle Man - The Day of the Accident

I remember getting into the passenger seat of one of the EMT’s cars. The radio was on so without a thought I reached over and turned the radio off and started praying again.  The EMT finally got in the driver’s seat.  I know we spoke but I can’t recall what the conversation was about.  It was like my whole being remained in a state of prayer and faith.  I kept telling my mind, will and emotions,  "I know God. He is good."  I could feel those words shutting down any fear or doubt that started to rise. 

Josh, our oldest son, went over to a friend’s house and Nate went back to our house, got our car and a pair of shoes for me since I was still barefott, and drove to the hospital.  I ended up praying in the EMT's car the entire time as we drove to the hospital.  I could tell the EMT was uncomfortable.  He understood the gravity of the situation.  What can he say? 

When we got to the hospital, I was ushered into a small waiting room.  I was there by myself and I began to pray.  As I prayed, I shook from the inside… my body was quaking.  I didn’t cry or break down at the hospital but I felt this confidence that was deep in me battling with the emotions that wanted to swallow me whole.  As I kept praying the confidence was just there, inside of me, strengthening my resolve, keeping me centered on the Lord and enveloping me with a supernatural faith that I could not muster in the natural. 

Nate, his family and my mom came into the room.  I still hadn’t seen Elisha.  I asked Nate how my baby was doing.  He told me Elisha had a bad injury to his head and had a compound fracture on his left leg but all of his other organs were stable.  I know there are parents out there wondering why I didn’t go back to see Elisha and I believe it was because the Lord was building my faith up, equipping me for what we were dealing with before I saw it with my eyes. I trusted Nate, the doctors and the Lord to take care of our little man. 

The police chaplain came into the room with a serious look on his face.  At that point, I wanted people to have the same assurance I had.  I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to placate me with whatever universal jargon they are supposed to say to someone who is facing that kind of crisis.  So when the chaplain asked me how I was doing, I started with how I believed in a miracle-working, powerful, loving God, who I knew had His hand on Elisha’s life since before he was born.  I told the chaplain how I have prayed God’s Word over my children since they were in my womb.  No matter what the doctor’s said or how I felt I told the chaplain I knew God was going to do something big in Elisha.  The chaplain was actually amazing.  Whatever preconceived idea I had about what he would say, well, I was wrong.  The chaplain completely affirmed my faith and began to pray for our family and Elisha with the same faith my husband and I were standing in. 

A nurse with a tender smile came into the room and said, “You are going to want to see Elisha before he gets on the helicopter.”  They were going to fly Elisha to the hospital at UVA because he was stable.  At that point, I agreed.  I ran out to the helipad.  It was dark and hazy from drizzle.  It was almost movie-like with the weather the way it was.  I saw the pilot, nurses, EMTs and a stretcher with my little baby boy laying on it, completely still.  His head and neck were secure with a neck brace and he had big straps wrapped around him holding him to the stretcher.  I had wished those straps could have been my arms, holding my baby, soothing away the pain in his little body.  I stepped closer to the stretcher and I could see Elisha’s sweet little face.  It should have been difficult to see him clearly because there wasn’t a lot of light but my tunnel vision kicked in again.  I couldn’t hear anyone else around me, I just looked at Elisha.  I could see his sweet little nose, the dimple in his chin, his precious eyes were shut, he had dried blood on the right side of his face but he looked peaceful.  I didn't know where to touch him without hurting him. I decided to lay my hand on his shoulder and told him, “Baby, you are going to be ok.  I love you!  Jesus is with you and He loves you so much!”  I kissed his cheek and walked away.



PART TWO: Little Miracle Man - The Day of the Accident

I remember being barefoot running down my street, hearing sirens, not sure what to expect but feeling the fear of what I would see once I got to the scene of the accident.  I rounded the corner of the street Elisha had been hit on and every sound seemed muffled.  I was breathing heavy from the run, adrenaline, fear, all of it.  Nate had run ahead of me and was already squatting, looking down… Time seemed to move so slow in that moment.  I saw Nate and I saw what he was looking at… 

I could hear my heart beating in my ears like a bass drum… like it sounds when your head is completely submerged in water and all you can hear is your own heart… yes, that’s what it sounded like.

Then…

My heart stopped. Everything stopped.

I saw my little boy lying in the road on his right side.  He looked so precious, like he was sleeping.  His left leg was across his right one and his arms were both in front of him, crossed at the wrists, like anyone of us would have our own arms if we were curled up on the sofa taking an afternoon nap.  I looked at his face and he looked a little pale but still so sweet.  Then I saw the blood…  It puddled around him like a blanket.  It started under his head and I could see where it had flowed all the way down past his knee.  I watched Elisha as I ran closer.  I saw no one but Elisha.  I heard no one.  Then Nate’s movement, as he turned to face me, shattered the quiet.  I looked at Nate, his own face pale and in shock.  He raised his hand up to stop me and told me to not come closer.  Nate knew me better than anyone; I trusted him and didn’t get too close to Elisha.  In retrospect, I wonder why I was able to restrain myself in that moment.  I guess most mothers would run up to their child in a panic and do something more appropriate but I had no idea what I was doing and certainly wasn't thinking about what I was "supposed" to do.  I walked right past Elisha and Nate.  I was in a daze, I guess.   Was I in shock?  I don’t know.  I felt hollow.  Numb. My arms felt heavy.  My feet felt like I was dragging twenty pounds with each step.   Even that description seems to minimize what was going on inside of me.  I mean, how should I have felt right after seeing my own child laying in his own blood?    

I don’t know how far I walked or where I was going but all of a sudden something took over my emotions. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t be afraid.  I started feeling a confidence rise up from deep down.  I looked up to heaven, raised my hands and said, ”God, I know You! I know You are Good! I know You!  I know You are Good!”  The more I said it the louder I became. “God I know you!  I know you are Good!  I know you are Faithful!  I know you!”   

I remember I looked to the left and saw the young lady who was driving the car that hit Elisha… she was completely hysterical.  It didn’t faze me.  All I could think about was God.  “God I know you! I know you are good!”  Those words kept falling from my lips.  I didn't think about anything except what I knew of God.  God is good.  God is faithful.  God is big.  God is mighty.  Nothing is too difficult for Him.  God is good.  God is faithful. God is mighty.  He is able.  God is good.  God is faithful.  He is God.  I don't remember everything I was praying.  I just opened my mouth and words just kept coming.  Faith took over.

Somehow, I ended up in the front seat of the ambulance.  I knew Elisha was in the back of the ambulance but I couldn’t tell you how he got there.  I began praying out loud as I looked out the windshield.  I could see nothing even though my eyes were open.  I could hear nothing even though there was so much going on around me.  I began praying every scripture I have prayed over Elisha since he was in my womb.  I prayed with boldness.  I must have been a little loud and distracting to the medics who were working on Elisha in the back of the ambulance because one of the EMTs came around the side of the ambulance and asked me if I would ride in another vehicle with him.  I got out of the ambulance and walked over to the sidewalk and fell to my knees.  I kept praying, “I know You God!  I know you are Good! You are Faithful!  You are mighty and I trust You!” 

Little Miracle Man - The Day of the Accident

A Prophetic Word

Romans 4:20-22

²⁰ "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, ²¹ being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ²² This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness" 

“I know God is real because He created the sun, the moon, the stars, the trees, cars and blue jeans.”   That was the precious response my twelve year old son, Elisha, gave to his older brother, Josh, who asked “Mom, how do we know God is real?”  Nate, my husband, briefly glanced at me to smile and I smiled back.  I reiterated what Elisha said, “You can look at nature and all of the amazing parts of this world to see God.”  Josh then asked, “Mom, how do we know God wrote the Bible?”  …Another deep question from my thirteen year old thinker.  I told both of my boys that we can sit and discuss every prophecy from the Bible that has been fulfilled or the historical evidence confirming the stories in the Bible but I looked at both of them and said, "God has to become real to you!"  I told the boys when they go through a situation neither of them ever expected and they see God show up in all of His glory, power and might, that’s when God will become personal to each of them.  I'm not sure if it was the sermon we had just heard which prompted Josh to ask those questions or if it was just his curiosity but I am amazed we had such a deep and powerful discussion on our way to Sunday lunch. 

The sermon at church that Sunday morning was centered on Paul and his ministry.  Paul was persecuted, jailed, he faced death many times and yet he had the mindset that no matter what he faced he would look at it as an opportunity to preach the Gospel and to demonstrate the Power of God.  The scripture the speaker pulled from was 2 Corinthians 12:9 …”My grace is sufficient; for My strength is made perfect in your weakness…”  No matter what Paul faced he knew God, he knew the eternal purpose of what he faced was far greater than the moments of weakness and struggle.  Paul knew God was real.  He preached it and he lived it through every moment of his life.

What a good word!  Even now as I remember the message, I’m inspired by Paul’s unwavering faith.  How did he do it?  He obviously was knocked upside the head by the power of God on the road to Damascus.  But what made Paul stay true to Jesus when he was confronted with death?  Jail?  I’m not a theologian but when I read the Bible I am always looking for the application to my own life.  It is evident in the life of Paul that He knew God.  He knew God’s character.  He knew God’s love.  He never once hung out with Jesus like the disciples did yet, he wrote most of the New Testament.  He knew the love of God.  Everything he did was for the purpose of making the name of Jesus famous throughout the world, even in the middle of struggles I could never comprehend.

 

I’m so glad the Lord gave us the sermon about Paul on that particular Sunday.  I don’t think I could have had a better pep rally before the intense battle we were about to face. 

Sunday evening is usually family night for us.  Josh, our oldest, had made his famous spaghetti for dinner and then Josh and Elisha went to ride their bikes to the playground right down the street.  I sat down on the sofa to write down Old Testament Bible stories for family Pictionary.  I had decided we should play Pictionary using Old Testament Bible stories not because we are “that spiritual” but because I, personally, needed the reminder of the stories.  I had written several stories down on pieces of paper: Cain and Abel, Joseph and his coat of many colors, Daniel and the Lion’s den, and then I wrote down Abraham and Isaac.  I was compelled to re-read the story in that moment.  I pulled out my phone and began to read a brief synopsis of the story about Abraham’s unwavering faith even when the Lord asked him to sacrifice his only son.  Abraham knew if he had to kill his son on the altar as a sacrifice then the Lord was going to raise him from the dead.  His faith in the God of the universe was immovable.  

     

Ten minutes later there was a knock at my door… Elisha, my twelve year old little boy, had been hit by a car.

What if God Doesn't?

My mom and I walked up to the tens of women standing in line outside of the civic center getting ready to enter one of the largest craft shows in our area.  I honestly just went to the show to spend some quality time with my mom since we hadn't had a lot of time together while also hoping to snag a few items to take home.  As we entered the area where the craft vendors were I was amazed.  Seriously.  There were Christmas decorations everywhere, people were wearing festive headbands, hats and aprons. I was overloaded with red, green, silver, gold and whatever other colors the vendors decided to tie into their holiday theme.  The Christmas music was playing a little loud but the voices of the hundreds of women and husbands who were forced to tag-along absorbed the sound of  Santa Clause is Coming to Town.  My focus was completely on what I was going to get out of this excursion.  I hoped maybe to get some stocking stuffers and taste some good food while staying within my budget and having a good time with my momma. 

   Picture of my mom a "few" years ago

Needless to say, God had an unexpected addition to my plans.

My mom and I walked up to a booth that sold beautiful but expensive jewelry.  I just looked around while my mom started talking with one of the ladies working.  I didn't know what they talked about until after we stepped away from the booth and my mom said, "Did you hear what we were talking about? She shared with me she had stage 4 colon cancer."  My heart started beating really hard.  My mom told her she would pray for her.  We then stepped around the corner to the next booth but my heart still kept beating rapidly.  Then God and I began a dialogue.  

"Go pray for her."

"But God, she is working and there are tons of people standing around her booth."

"Go pray for her."

"Ok, I will just wait for the perfect moment, when she isn't busy."

"Go pray for her."

"God I'm scared.  What if it doesn't work?"

"Go pray for her."

"Really?"

"This isn't about you Robin. It's for her. Go pray for her."

All of a sudden this compassion invaded me and I began to cry as I walked over to her.  I felt like I was moving through mud but I finally made it to her.  I looked at her and said, "I have to lay hands on you and pray for you.  I believe God wants to heal you."  She said Ok.  I still had my insecurities so I turned her towards the back of the booth thinking if I didn't see everyone they wouldn't see me praying, even though there had to have been 15-20 people either walking by or looking at the jewelry in her booth or wanting to talk to her.  I prayed over her, believing in the healing power of the Lord to heal and root out the cancer in her body.  She opened her eyes and said I can feel something in my body.  I cannot remember exactly what I said but it was something along the lines that Jesus is in love with her and in pursuit of her.  

I walked away from that encounter without a concern of who had just seen me.  I actually can't remember if anyone was looking at me.  I went to catch up with my mom and then we enjoyed the rest of the day at the craft show.

The truth is I have been asking the Lord for more opportunities to really see the heart of people not just at church or on a missions trip but out in the community.  Everyday I want an opportunity to give Jesus away to someone.  I want to be more aware of the needs of others no matter where I am.  I love how Jesus was moved with compassion in Matthew 14:14, "When He went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and felt compassion for them and healed their sick."  Wouldn't it be amazing if believers were always mindful of the hearts of those around them?  Tears are in my eyes as I write this.  There are so many wounded, broken, hurting people wherever we are and I'm asking the Lord to help me, to help us as believers, be more aware of when the Holy Spirit says, "Take my love to that one."  

I no longer want to be afraid of "What if God doesn't?"  Someone's eternity matters more than my momentary insecurities.  Someone's encounter with Jesus matters more than my fears.  Let's all become more aware of what Jesus is doing wherever we are.      

Here's my prayer:
Jesus, open our eyes.  Help us to see through your heart, to be mindful of the hurts and the needs of others.  Lord we want to be like you!  We want to be your hands, your feet and your mouthpiece.  We, Lord, want to understand your love so we can give your love away to those who have never experienced you!  Jesus, your name is above all!  Let everything we do be to point people to you!  In your powerful, amazing name we pray, AMEN! 
   

Stay in Your Lane

Well, this is the first blog I've written in almost two years.  I have to say, it feels good to be back!  It's interesting how my life has changed in those "almost two years."   

Some of you know our family's story and some of you may not but this post isn't going to be about what has happened these last years.  This post will actually be about something the Lord spoke to my heart tonight as my family and I walked out of the movie theater.  It wasn't really a very "spiritual" moment as we walked out of the theater after watching a superhero save the earth and his planet with his hammer.  Nate, my husband, and I were holding hands talking about the movie with our oldest son.  We walked out into the parking lot and searched for our super-trendy, sporty, hip minivan... okay I was reaching but it is silver which makes our minivan kind of cool... maybe?  Anyway, we walked over to the van and Nate opened the door.  I literally could hear the voice of the Lord as I got into the minivan speak to my heart and say, "Stay in your lane."  I knew exactly what He was talking about.  You see, earlier in the day God and I were having a conversation about what He was doing and where he was taking our family.  I was asking Him to make it clear to me what He wanted me to do because there are lots of amazing things taking place in the lives of people which in turn has had me wanting to get involved in all of those amazing things.  I didn't get an answer earlier but the Lord made it clear tonight...

"Stay in your lane."

Do you sometimes feel like you will be missing out if you aren't a part of every opportunity that is close to your heart?  I do.  Which is why I have to talk to the Lord about everything because my natural tendency is to jump all in to what everyone else is doing.  Most of the time, the Lord wants me to support them in friendship, prayer, financial support, a sounding board, etc... 

I see this same mentality with many women (husbands pay attention) who put pressure on themselves to be involved in every mom group, create everything on Pinterest, have the most beautifully designed home, the best supper clubs, the best dressed kids, the greatest meals on the table every night... WHEW!!! Even writing all of that makes me want to take a deep breath, get a massage and take a hot bath! 

The truth is if you and I don't hear from the Lord then we would eventually become completely burnt out.  It's why the Lord said to me, "Stay in your lane."  I have to do what God calls me to do which in turn allows me to believe in, pray for, speak into all of the other amazing things God is doing in so many other people.  Easy to say, I know, but I have learned the more I spend time with the Lord the more I know when He says no to something, or to wait, or to jump in.  I don't get it right every time but I'm learning to get it right most of the time.  

 The Lord wants us to be close to Him, to listen to Him because what He has for us in our own "lanes" is far greater than what we could ever imagine or think.  His desire is to tell us "great and mighty things, which we do not know," Jeremiah 33:3.  If you need wisdom ask the Lord for it because He will give it to you generously (James 1:5). Most importantly, you have to believe God is for you (Romans 8:31)!  He isn't against you and if He says NO then there is a reason, if He says WAIT then there is a reason and if He says YES then there is a reason! Our lane is the one He tells us to go down.  Our lane is the one He makes for us.  Our lane has to be spirit-led because if your natural tendency is like mine then you will get out of your lane and go down a path that can easily burn you out.  

Here's my prayer:
Lord, I thank you for how amazing you are, for your Holy Spirit in our lives!  You are a wonderful, heavenly Father and you give us the desires of our hearts.  I thank you Father for how real you are and I ask you to speak clearly to our hearts.  I ask you to reveal more of Your will for our lives.  You see things we do not always see and your ways are higher than our ways.  So, today we choose to trust you and let go of the pressure to be it all and to do it all.  We repent if we have lost our way and we ask You to pull us back into the lane you have for us.  We thank you that you are faithful to Your Word and Your promises are Yes and Amen!  We stand in faith, believing you are for us!  We love you Lord with all we are and all we have! Amen